I am fast. To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose...and a panther."
-Dwight K. Schrute
Dwight K. Schrute...one of the greatest television characters ever created. And now that Michael's gone, he's probably the most famous character on the show. Well, maybe Dwight and Jim, but Dwight is just so much more interesting than Jim (who has never been one of my favorite characters, although I know plenty of people disagree with this). I guess I judge the characters on that show by the number of great, memorable (hilarious) lines on the show, and after Michael, Dwight is definately number 1. However, if we're going to go with greatest percentage of the character's lines that are memorable/hilarious, Creed definately wins. (He is my favorite character of them all...I think I'll have to draw him eventually. The opening scene of the episode where Creed was the boss is arguably one of the greatest Office scenes ever).
And just becuase I can't resist, here is a list of some other amazing Dwight lines. Enjoy!
- I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.
- I am faster than 80% of all snakes.
- Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.
- When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
- The eyes are the groin of the head.
- My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man.
- Before I do anything I ask myself “Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.
- How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer…merciless…insatiable…
- Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
- I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
- As a volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy I’ve been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out . . . she was. With a couple of guys, actually. . . so . Mystery solved.
- I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions.
- D.W.I.G.H.T – Determined, Worker, Intense, Good worker, Hard worker, Terrific
- People say, oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace. Well I say, it’s better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose
- In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is “Oh, I broke my leg!” A lion comes and eats you, your dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, your dead!
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